Moving Between Grace and Defeat.

I have asked Matt to write a weekly blog post. Some weeks it may be an update on his Alzheimer's progression while other weeks it may be a love letter to his dog. We will have to see what he comes up with. At any rate here is the first one, a short update about where he is at these days with the Alzheimer's. Enjoy.

I have been asked to write a blog post about changes that I have noticed in the last few months regarding my diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease. This strikes me as a novel endeavor since I am certain that things are changing but never sure day to day.

I would say that I am certainly gaining ground in the school of Alzheimer’s, which seems to be a fickle tyrant- sometimes bestowing gems and benefits and at other times distributing confusion and disability, and I frequently

Matt doing a handstand in Moab

I do believe that I am getting “better” at my navigation between these two masters, and that I am finding outlets and detours to work with the confusion. AND- it’s often a shit show- not in a smelly way but more in the sense that I never really feel I am in control.  

My mood fluctuates like the wind- sometimes a strong gale of self-despair and other times I am buoyant, floating along like a seed pod in deep rushing water. My patience has a short fuse now as well, and I can get angry or distressed for no reason at all. 

So- That’s the long and short of it at this finite point in time and I can only imagine that there will be many more amazing and likewise distressing elements to the path that lead me deeper into the bramble or briar- moving me to either somewhere or nowhere, or both.